Monday, April 04, 2011

Excerpt, don't mock me!

The other night I was watching TV and writing and my sister (Joanna) asked me what I Was working on, I told her I was writing a story; she then asked why I never posted any of my stories on my blog. Honestly, I've never completed one. I kind of feel ashamed posting a partially completed, unedited story here and I also feel like it isn't the right place for them. However, I do feel like it would be kinda fun for anyone reading this to see what I write. So I'm posting and excerpt from my 2009 National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) partially completed novel. This was the first year I did NaNoWriMo and it was a lot of fun so I made my friend write a novel with me this year, in the hopes it would actually be finished unlike last years novel, but alas, we became to busy with exams and it never was completed.

Back to the point. This novel had the working title of "Response" no idea why I named it that, but I must've thought it was cool at the time. It's basically this tragic love story about this girl, Jess, who falls madly in love with this other girl, Sara. Sadly Sara dies from cancer and Jess starts dating a hunky German guy, but not without lots of drama in between. I think this opening scene is when Jess and Sara break up, before they find out about Sara's cancer... also this isn't some sort of sappy love story, okay maybe it is just a little, I just have a strange obsession of writing about romantic relationships, I don't know why this is, but they're my favourite inter-personal relationship to write about. Also the reason I didn't give a very good synopsis for this story is because I can't actually remember most if and I wrote it out of order (see previous list about 'what I've learned'). Honestly I don't even know what was going to happen at the end of the novel. One more thing excuse my excessive use of details, I really like them. I can't help it, sorry.

Excerpt from 'Response':

Prologue
(Three years ago) (2007)

I waited patiently by the fountain, the water cascading down the sides, and dripping into the pool below. There were coins in the water, shiny copper pennies, tiny silver dimes, so thin looking under that water you almost wondered if they were just slivers of light and not the real thing. There was the odd quarter, larger slivers of silver light and a couple of golden looking loonies nearer the middle. The light danced across the surface, making it shimmer, and the coins glitter. I wait some more, I wanted this day, this moment to be over. I hated myself for what I was about to do, it wasn’t fair, I knew it wasn’t, but I couldn’t see any other way out of the situation.
Finally I saw Sara coming towards me, her long blond locks loose around her shoulders, and as usual she was wearing a simple black tee and black skinny pants. No make-up but the pierced lip, eyebrow, nose and spiral tattoos spoke for themselves. Nobody could ever mistake her for mainstream.
“Hi” I greeted her nervously, I could tell from her expression she knew what was coming, she knew why I had asked her to that place.
“Hello” was her simple reply. We didn’t say anything for a moment or two, just looked into each others eyes, perhaps trying to see what the other was thinking. Finally I looked away, towards the fountain again.
“I don’t love you any more,” I said, still staring at the fountain. I don’t know what I excepted, anger or crying, but I wasn’t expecting the response she gave me.
“I know” she looked down at the ground, as I looked up at her, there was a pebble by her left foot, which she kicked towards me, I resisted the overwhelming urge to kick it back to her. “How long?” she asked now, “how long haven’t you been in love with me?” there was such sadness in her voice, she still looked at the ground, at the rock by my shoe, the one I wouldn’t kick back. I didn’t know what to say to her, she finally looked up at me, expectantly, waiting for my response, the one I couldn’t give.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have an answer for you, at least not one you would want to hear…” I trailed off, unsure of what else there was to say, unsure of what would make the situation better.
“I knew it! I knew this was going to happen, everyone told me not to get involved with you, I should have listened to them.” Sara shook her head, her wispy long blond hair moving with it, back and forth. “I hope you realize how much this hurts” she spoke this with such conviction and pain that I felt like holding her again, wrapping my arms around her narrow, willowy body, and making her feel safe from all the bad in the world, but now I was the bad thing hurting her so I resisted the urge.
She gave me one last painful look, full of remorse and regret, then turned and walked away. I wouldn’t see here again after this, I knew that. I found my self whispering “good bye” as she walked away. The rock was still there, like one last reminder of what we could have been. I looked one last time at the fountain then turned and left that scene forever. I knew I would never be back, because people don’t go back in time, only forwards.

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Okay now that I have sufficiently embarrassed myself I'm going to go crawl in a hole somewhere. Hope you like this!

1 comment:

Taylor Lynn said...

Wow, you have talent! And you say to excuse your excessive details... to be honest, I love all those details at the beginning. I need to learn to add more details like that INTO my novels!!! :D

Great job, and I really did like it!