Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Post-Student Life

So I've been finished with university for two months now and they have been the longest and most stressful two months of my life, not to be dramatic or anything, but it's true. I've never spent so much time crying or hating my job, then suddenly, recently, as summer ended things are starting to settle down for me.

I don't really know how to explain it, but it kind of just happened. Yeah, I still hate my job, still have money problems and I still want to travel and do a bunch of other awesome stuff that involves money, but I'm starting to realize that I have something right now that I won't ever have again in my life.

I have endless amounts of free time. I'm not 'required' to do anything I don't want to. I mean, obviously this could be true at any point in your life, but it's something about the commitment and structure of school that makes life somehow different. Your time is never really your own because you are constantly stressed out or thinking about something to do with school, even on summer vacations.

And suddenly all that weight is lifted. It's a crazy feeling when you finally clue into it because you're so used to the structure of institutionalized education you're brain doesn't really comprehend that it's over with at first and you sort of freak out because nobody is telling you what to do any more. I mean, I always sort of hate it when people tell me what to do or if I'm too predictable, but it's also pretty scary when you have to figure out all the shit by yourself.

Like sure I've got some amazing friends and family to help me out and sometimes they do, but mostly they confuse me more (no offence guys, but you can be pushy) and yeah, I get it, you all have a certain 'vision' or idea of who or what I should be or what I should do or whatever, but please, that isn't for your to decide. I know it's cause you care, but just don't worry about me, I've got this shit under control now.

I'm starting to understand things about myself (I learn new things about myself all the freaking time and I love it, it's so interesting and if you aren't learning new things about yourself I suggest you start exploring, it's so rewarding). I realized I have a ridiculously overactive imagination, but for some reason not as creative (not to say I'm not creative, I am, but not as creative as I am imaginative I guess). I always sort of assumed I was super creative, but that's because I was confusing it with imagination and when I finally made that distinction a lot of things made sense about me (like why I'm motivated to admire and enjoy art a lot a lot, but not really create it as much, although I derive pleasure from both).

I also realized my shitty job is a blessing in disguise. It leaves me open for new opportunities and because I don't really feel any special attachment to it I'm more likely to take those opportunities if and when they arise. I also have so much free time to do things I like and see people I like. It's awesome. I have time to date properly! And go out swing dancing as often as I feel like. I'm trying so hard to get out of this really negative place I've been in since finishing school. It isn't helping me figure out or do anything, especially find a job or make new friends or do awesome creative, imaginative things I enjoy.

I'm glad I'm able to turn my attitude around right now because the whole job thing is actually making me so frustrated and miserable, but I just got to remember that my job doesn't define me as a person, nor should I let it and although I'm unhappy there right now there are more jobs out there. I can get a new job I just gotta stay positive and actually go some places and ask for a job.

Anyway, I sorta just felt like talking about myself for a bit, even if nobody is listening. I needed to share and check it. Post-university life is stressful in this economy and stuff, I feel all you other post students trying to get by and I hope you're managing this well, because, well when the entire structure you are used to is suddenly completely gone it can be stressful and scary and don't let anyone demean or belittle your experience. It's yours to have.

Aaaaaaand that's all folks.