Writing brain function: Normal.

My writers block seems to be gone!
Yay!
I've been making up stories about every second person I see and even writing some of them... in a very lazy fashion, but nonetheless it seems I want to write again because for awhile there I almost felt like not writing at all. It was a terrible moment for me. I questioned whether I even wanted to bother any more then started crying and had a little mental panic attack which suggests it is quite possibly rather important to me that I continue... rather.

I've also decided I don't care how good a writer I am. I just give up. I'm never going to be as good as I want to be. I'm never going to write perfectly. The only thing I can do is continue writing and improving cause it makes me happy and it's like my fucking therapy.

I'd also like to state that these blog posts (and anything I post on tumblr) DO NOT COUNT! These are effortless (usually) and just for fun I suppose (most of the time) I don't really count them as 'serious' writing. Serious writing is sitting down and taking a lot of time and effort to create some kind of perfection. Basically you torture yourself a lot (and this is what I love?).

Anyway. I actually edited a story I've been working on for like, a year or so which made me feel better and I have another one I want to start, so yay!
It's also nice to have my brain back in this place where I feel inspired all the time (that sounds cheesy, it totally is). It's nice. It makes life sooooo much less dull and more bearable. Not that it was really dreadful before, but I'm happier here. So much happier.

Okay. That is all. 

A sad fact.

Since being in university for the past 2 and a half years (give or take) I have yet to receive an A on any major papers for any class! This has been something which has eaten away at me so much that I would wonder what the point was if I couldn't even write a decent paper. I know someone out there is cringing and going 'grades aren't everything!' but when your an English major AND you want to be a writer its a real slap in the face to have comments like 'doesn't have a good grasp on the English language' (which I still think is untrue, I just have a bad grasp on grammar). Yeah, ouch, real disheartening.

Last semester was the worst for this. I took a modernist British novel class, which was swains and I loved, but I couldn't seen to get the papers quite right. The final paper ended up being a complete disaster. My topic was terrible and I basically spent three days editing the paper, and only got a c+. Considering I edited that paper more than any other and yeah...:( looking back I realize I should have changed my topic, and started it earlier so I could've hit up the writing centre or Kirstie and/or Raya. Now I know better and received a grade I feel like I DESERVE!

Thankfully I'm basically feeling better about everything cause this is actually a pretty hard class (for me) and I thought I was gonna fail it, for a moment there. That just, like, made my day n'shit :). So far this week is a million times better than last week, now if I only do this well on my the English paper ima get back tomorrow! Fingers crossed, but it's unlikely, that one was written the day before :S.